Article by by Karen Knott
What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a 50 year old woman? Answer: One of them needs a cloak to become invisible, the other just needs to be 50.
Alright, I know it’s not much of a joke but it’s not much of a laughing matter to find yourself gradually vanishing from public view once you hit a certain age, either!
Invisibility may have well have been an asset to Harry Potter but not so to women in midlife!
Even now in 2010, when midlife is acknowledged as a time of potential, opportunity and growth, many of my clients – women in their 40’s and 50’s – are still finding to their distress, and disappointment, (not to mention out-and-out fury!) they seem to have entered some sort of twilight zone, where they gradually start to fade away into invisibility.
Now, let’s be clear here, these are talented, creative and attractive women, not ‘shrinking violets’ and yet, they all experience this diminishing visibility, from shop assistants who look straight through them and serve the person behind, right through to colleagues and partners who either don’t ask for, or completely disregard their opinions. Oh and then of course, there are situations where you are confronted by the disconcerting realisation that your sex appeal has well and truly lost its appeal, as one of one of my friends describes so well.
‘I can remember the very first time I felt sexually invisible – there I was, thinking I was being ‘given the eye’ and enjoying that ‘I’ve still got it’ feeling, when I suddenly realised to my horror, that actually, he was looking right past me and feasting his eyes on my daughter who was stood next to me! I can still feel that gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think about it.’
Now, this is a woman who knows that she has many attributes and would certainly never define herself solely by her physical attractiveness but nevertheless, her distress remains palpable.
Invisibility actually runs deeper than our skin – even as a group we remain strangely invisible. It’s hardly surprising that we feel ‘unseen’, living as we do in a culture where all eyes are fixed firmly on the young. Looking at popular TV shows, advertisements and magazine covers, you might well think that 18 to 24-year-olds are the most important demographic around … but guess what – it isn’t them, it’s us, women over 50!
How do we fly in the face of the prevailing culture and step into our own authentic visibility?
We are indeed a growing force to be reckoned with and not just because there are so many of us. Things are changing because we are changing. Having got this far by being vibrant and visible contributors to society, we’re hardly going to quietly hide our light, wisdom and experience under a bushel once we hit 50 are we? But the question is, how do we fly in the face of the prevailing culture and step into our own authentic visibility?
Well, the answer is actually pretty simple – it’s all about how we see ourselves and exploring the unfamiliar territory of who we are and what we want is a pretty good starting point. And if you think that prioritising your own needs is self indulgent, I beg to differ – it’s actually the opposite. You see, once we are really clear on this, we can then make choices that genuinely reflect who we are and…. this is the good bit…. not only is our own life enhanced but we can make a much more visible, meaningful contribution to those around us simply by having so much more to offer.
• Define your boundaries.
Start by being clear about your personal time and space and be sure to let people know when they are crossing your boundaries, and most of all… learn to say no and allow yourself time for what’s really important.
• Let go of the things which no longer serve you.
Make peace with the things that are changing or ending so you can explore your future options unhindered by feelings of loss and resentment.
• Don’t accept conventional ‘wisdom’ or limiting assumptions.
We each have beliefs that limit us, so be aware of your thoughts. Identify those, ‘I’m too old, it’s too late’ thoughts and challenge them. Find the thoughts that will take you forward and start believing them!
• Do something different.
Extend yourself. Take a chance or two. Learn something new.
• Be the author of your own story
Tune into those quiet whisperings of your inner voice and really notice the things that excite, interest and motivate you. These are the clues to follow which will lead you to discover your passion and purpose.
You know, we truly are a privileged generation to be able to redefine and push the boundaries of what it means to be a woman in midlife and to choose a midlife that expresses our individuality, in a way that our mother’s perhaps never could. Invisibility’s fine and dandy for Harry Potter whereas we, on the other hand, can be and do so much more when we are out in the open for all to see.
Karen Knott is a personal development coach and the founder of Midlife Matters who specialises in working with midlife women to help them make the very most of the positive opportunities to be found in this transitional life stage. You’ll find information and resources as well as a FREE eProgramme to get you started by visiting the website: http://www.midlifematters.co.uk
Related posts:
- With so many Oscar nominees in 2012 over 50, could the age of invisibility be over?
- Do you agree that women are most confident about their bodies at the age of 52?
- Challenging The Myths of Midlife
- 6 tips for dealing with Midlife Divorce or Separation
- Loving Your Midlife Body
