Challenging The Myths of Midlife

03 Feb 2011

Challenging The Myths of Midlife

happy successful midlife woman

Article by Lindsey Agness

I turned 50 in 2008 and it came as a shock to me when I discovered that women of my age were to be seen and not heard – ready to be put out to pasture. This realisation happened at an exhibition that I went to which focused on 50-year-old women. I booked a stand at the exhibition and I also signed up to give a talk about how to change your life at 50. I was very excited about visiting a new exhibition to learn more about this age group that I was about to enter.

What I found was not what I had expected. I was astonished to find that on the exhibition promotion website were adverts, not from companies promoting vitality, self-esteem and confidence, but for cancer relief, laser treatment for eyesight, how to sleep better without any aches and pains and the best of all – who we will leave our fortunes to when we die. On our arrival at the exhibition things got even worse. Instead of being surrounded by exhibition stands promoting the hugely positive aspects of being 50, we were surrounded by stairlifts, pension plans, retirement villages and ballroom dancing. Even the keynote speakers were talking on the dynamic topics of cooking and gardening.

We allow ourselves to take on limiting beliefs

This experience really inspired me to challenge what I began to call the ‘midlife myths’ and the way people perceive this important time of our lives. The myths are those commonly held views of midlife women found in the media, on our TV screens and elsewhere. We are brainwashed into believing them to be true and representative of our own lives. As a result of this, we become our own worst enemies when we begin to think about what is or isn’t possible for us. We limit ourselves because of what we absorb through the media. We allow ourselves to take on the limiting beliefs that are pervading our lives. But, our lives do not have to fall into this inevitable decline. We’re not dead yet!

Mid-Life Model of Change

What follows is the mid-life model of change that I’ve developed that shows the most common myths I have come across in my research and in my coaching of midlife women. How many of these myths you have noticed yourself thinking, feeling or even saying old loud? I’ve created the ‘8 Attitudes of The Successful Midlife Woman’ as a direct challenge to these myths. When applied together, these 8 Attitudes create the necessary mindset for all midlife women to live their lives with purpose, passion and fun.

MYTH	SYMPTOMS	ATTITUDE
I’m too old to have what I want.	You feel like you are just going through the motions and your days lack vision, focus and goals. You are scared of emptiness that haunts you and terrified to admit it to anyone else. You have little to excite you in your life.	Attitude 1: I Live My Life on Purpose You’ll re-gain your sense of self, passion and direction for the future.
I’ve squandered my dreams!	You feel disappointed in yourself and regret the years of procrastination and lack of achievement. You wonder about what might have been. You lack the courage to be, do or have what you really want.	Attitude 2: I Create What I Want You take control of your thoughts to focus on what you want and you take responsibility for changing your future.
I don’t know who I am any more.	After years of focusing on others, you are feeling confused about who you are. You lack confidence and feel that you don’t deserve any better. You are easily controlled by others because of your lack of independence and assertiveness.	Attitude 3: I Know Who I AmYou discover who you truly are at your core and stop trying to be something or someone else.
It’s better to be secure than happy.	You would rather maintain the status quo than risk doing something different. You feel frustrated with yourself because you are dependent on someone or something, and you avoid going for what you really want. There is a lack of honesty in your life.	Attitude 4: I Am True To Myself You absolutely know what you want; you respect yourself and you are prepared to disappoint others to be true to your own dreams.
I’m not good enough to compete with younger models.	Maybe you have lost out to a younger woman recently in your career, relationship, sport or another area of your life. You feel invisible, lack self-esteem and do not believe in your own attractiveness. This leads to resentment and self-loathing. There is a lack of self-love in your life.	Attitude 5: I Am Good EnoughYou have the confidence and self-belief to succeed in whatever you set your mind to, and you believe that you can hold your own with anyone.
I need surgery to feel good about myself.	You are likely to have an ongoing fight with food and a low self-image of yourself. This leads to a lack of discipline relating to food and exercise, as well as low self-confidence and a belief that cosmetic change will make you feel better about yourself.	Attitude 6: I Like MyselfYou take control of your lifestyle, from health and fitness to midlife sex, which enables you to feel and look great from the inside out.
I don’t have enough time or money to change.	You are apathetic about your life; you make lots of excuses to avoid doing anything different and you give up very easily. You lack energy and morale to do something different with your life.	Attitude 7: I Take Time For MeYou feel that the pressure is off and that you live in the now; you take time for yourself, tackle the issues on your mind and go for it.
It’s just too late.	You play the ostrich and bury your head in the sand. You are very cynical about life, and about your ability to change. You are not prepared to reassess how you live your life. Your life lacks passion and spontaneity.	Attitude 8: I’m Certain Of My Success You believe your success is inevitable and you are as certain about your future as you are of your past.

Ask yourself what are your biggest achievements to date?

So how do you start to change your attitude? Let’s begin with building your level of self-esteem and belief in you. Ask yourself what are your biggest achievements to date – those things that you are most proud of? These might be anything from raising a family and running a home, to being successful at work, learning something new or getting fit. Think over all areas of your life. I know you’ll be surprised at what you come up with. Aim for at least 10. If you get stuck ask your family and friends. I’m sure they will come up with some more with you. Take your list and stick it up somewhere you can see it easily. Notice how you start to feel better about yourself each time you walk past and look at your list! Enjoy…

This article is taken from the book ‘Still 25 Inside’ by Lindsey Agness. The book shows you how to develop the 8 attitudes in your life and make it happen for you. www.amazon.com

Lindsey-Agness

Lindsey Agness: Best Selling Author of Change Your Life with NLP and Still 25 Inside

Website - More Posts

1 Comment to “Challenging The Myths of Midlife”

Rose Davies
12:18 pm on May 26, 2011

I thought what an understanding writer… Spot on with how I felt until I reached that final paragraph where the ubiquitous ‘take a look at what you have achieved arrived…’, followed by ‘ask your friends and family’. Well that put me back at stage 1. For someone who has failed to successfully raise a family, or remain married, or to hold down a job, or to make any money, doesn’t have any friends and has alienated her family, is not to ask her to mull over the last 50 years and pick out the least of her failures. Come on. For some of us the biggest success is that we haven’t actually committed suicide. You life coaches do not really taking these insecurities seriously

Reply

Fabafterfifty Article