Article by Fabafterfifty
How easy is it to meet someone in your 50s? Well, we’re happy to share a success story, where Karen in her 50s, tried internet dating and it worked for her, resulting in a happy marriage to John. Fabafterfifty asked Karen about her experience of online dating.
Karen, how long were you single?
o About 3 years
Had you tried dating generally before dating via the internet?
o Yes.
What prompted you to try online dating?
o Various friends had tried it and it seemed to be the “in” thing so I thought it was worth a go.
How would you describe your experience?
o Interesting! I was amazed at the number of contacts one gets and the huge array of men – age, background, location, some of them were so interesting and even though they weren’t a good match romantically I was delighted to have “met” them. Only one turned out to be a bit of a weirdo – who was a bit scary, he became a bit of a stalker – a BIG lesson in not going straight to someone’s house…and this wasn’t someone I met on relationship site eharmony!
Did you tell friends you were internet dating?
o Yes
How did they react?
o They were interested, some thought it was risky, some that it was a great idea. Some evenings a friend and I would have a glass of wine and go through potential dates – that was fun!
How many people did you meet before dating your husband?
o Probably about 20
What sort of venues did you choose to meet someone for the first time?
o Quite a mixture – outside a station, a coffee shop, a bar… Always public, open places…just in case.
How did you end dates where you felt you didn’t wish to meet for a second time?
o Probably a bit too vaguely with hindsight, I rarely said I didn’t want to see someone again just left it a bit open and then didn’t respond much afterwards – this wasn’t the best way and I wish I’d been a bit more “up front”, sometimes it was obvious from the start that their was no chemistry and we both agreed that there was no point continuing – some remained as friends.
How did you deal with the fact that your ‘date’ was probably talking to other women with view to dating them too?
o I found it OK, at one stage I was dating 3 guys – which was rather fun! I knew or assumed that they were multiple dating too; I think that’s a safe assumption unless you both talk about being exclusive. It was only when I met John – who became my husband, I immediately knew that I wanted to just date him, and I knew he was only seeing me.
“You know we’re going to get married, don’t you?”
How long did you date before deciding to get married?
One week! We were introduced by eharmony.co.uk on the Monday, got to speak for the first time on the Wednesday and I said to John “I’m having a house warming party on Saturday, do you fancy coming over?” he did! He was living in Denver Colorado and I was in Windsor England…he had to fly the next day! So we met that weekend, he flew back on the Monday morning, we talked and emailed every day and on the Friday he said “You know we’re going to get married, don’t you?” and I said “Yes”! and that was it!!! From the moment we met is was like we had always known each other.
What advice would you give anyone looking to start dating online for the first time?
o Expect it to work…if you start off saying to yourself “I don’t know why I’m doing this, this is rubbish…etc etc” you are setting yourself up to fail…but then relax, have fun, don’t get too intense about it all
o Be very clear about who you are…really…and what sort of life you want to lead
o Be very clear about who you want to meet – tons of detail
o Choose your site carefully – they are not all equal – if you are serious about wanting to find a really good match choose a site that is thorough – I would have to say that eharmony.co.uk is streets ahead of any others I tried. It’s like an online relationship match-maker; it only matches you with compatible partners, so you’re not trawling through hundreds of profiles
o Be very honest when you do your profile, just as you would hope the men would be (and I found most were, not all)
o Don’t get despondent if you don’t meet Mr Right straight away
Living in Windsor, Karen: 54 , Company Director (life coach) and John: 49 years old; Director of Global Real Estate for a major multinational corporation , are now married and living in Windsor
Intresting article. Since alot of marriages are started via internet now days, I believe the more healthy info available the better. I would have liked to hear more about how long they dated before they married. How do they deal with loving from a far. What problems did you and your OS occur. And the biggest one on my list is “How did you and he decided where to live”. I am currently in a long-distance relationship. I sometimes wonder what the hell am I doing? But he is so sweet, gentle and we have so much in common. I just don’t want to mess it up because of my own fear.
Hi Phyllis, I didn’t meet my husband online, but we did start out with a long distance relationship. When it came to deciding where to live, I sold my home and went to live with him. The main reason for doing so was that he had 2 children from his first marriage who were both young teenagers and still in school. We lived where it was convenient for him to maintain contact with his children while they were both living at home with his ex wife. They have now both finished their education and left home. We are now moving closer to my previous home, family and friends as the need for us to near his old home is no longer relevant. Hope this helps.
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