Guest Article by Linda Evans
Are you growing old disgracefully or are you embracing your age?
Last year I spent a wonderful lunchtime with 3 former flat-mates in the champagne bar in St Pancras station that lingered into late afternoon and never actually involved eating anything more than a bowl of peanuts and olives, but did involve drinking a few bottles of champagne. We hadn’t been together as a group for over 10 years as one friend lives in the North West and sadly has an autistic teenage son making it hard to escape, and I live in Cornwall and try to cram my working week into 3 long days in London. It was a meeting of the minds. We instantly became as we were, able to confide, chat easily, laugh and talk as only those who have shared a lifetime –albeit separated for long periods-and lived through important developmental stages, can do. These are not transitory but true and valued friends…..and yet, there were differences.
I have never embraced my age I’m afraid. I am horrendously competitive so I think I should be able to keep up with my 20-something daughter and 30 and 40 something colleagues -whatever they are doing. My hair veers from bright red to strawberry blonde, chunky slices, never fine highlights, my cut evolves continually. I’m happy to wear the latest fashions experimentally. My friend, down from Liverpool, had a distinct cut too –a spiky pixie cut that was bleach blonde with a mass of black mascara on her eyes that had been her signature since 1970 but still looks right and a plunging neckline –also reminiscent of the 70s student I once shared a room with. The other 2 have, to put it bluntly, embraced ‘middle-age’. Both their hair is highlighted so pale it looks the grey it truly is and with shapeless cuts that are more page-boy than sharp bob, yet I know, involve hours with a round brush or some out-dated heated brush thing to get the particular curl-under effect. They talked about how great it would be to get their bus pass/energy ration/pension etc etc. They said they’d never wear stilettos again, only wide flat shoes and have given up any idea of eating sensibly or taking any influence from fashion or indeed getting down to the elusive size 12. Now I’m not saying they are wrong –because that is a lifestyle choice, but what they also lacked was energy, drive, sparkle, naughtiness and excitement.
We can take our personal qualities into old age
To me these qualities can continue until we are into old age. My mother lived until she was 92. At 68, as a widow she found herself a boyfriend and had a long and very passionate affair that lasted throughout her last years and never dwindled. She was incredibly witty and cheeky, almost shocking at times, but always with a dignity. In her last few years when ill-health meant she (and her boyfriend) went to live in a home, she continued to tie bright silk scarves at a jaunty angle, would put on her lippy, ensure her beautiful white hair looked good and would have a lively and often risqué conversation that would have guest and carers in fits of giggles. I remember phoning her one night and to my surprise, as she usually talked for hours, said: “I have to go, there’s something I want to watch on the television.” When I asked what, she replied: “Euro-Trash.” “Euro-Trash?” I repeated incredulously. “Yes” she said somewhat sharply, “I love that Jean Paul-Gaultier and remember, I might be old, but what made me laugh at 25, still makes me laugh, my values are the same too –it’s just my body that looks different.” It was a fantastic insight. And so, when, somewhat to my dismay, I woke up this year, to the realisation that I was 60, I decided very firmly that I will do a my wonderful mother and ‘grow old disgracefully’.
About me: So, I’m 60, have been married for 28 years and my husband and I have known each other since we were 11 (although I had a brief marriage to an Italian in the 1970s). I have a 24 year old daughter who is interning at a London Ad agency . I was previously PR director for Toni and Guy and currently work 1990 when they started franchising and I became PR director for Toni&Guy and now work for TIGI as a consultant. In 2003 we moved to Cornwall. My husband took (very) early semi-retirement. Since then I’ve been splitting my time between London and Cornwall. My daughter and I now ‘share’ a flat in Battersea, a couple of hundred yards from my office. When I’m in Cornwall I fit in as much exercise as I can!
Related posts:
- Get Up and Dance. Growing Old Disgracefully !
- Mid Life – the Gap between Growing Up and Growing Older
- Wise words on growing older by an inspiring 70 year old!
- Tips for Staying Safe in Threatening situations
- Embrace Change in your 50s and Don’t Let the World Leave You Behind!
Adrienne
8:40 am on June 16, 2011Linda hi, I can relate to all you said; I’m 62 (63 next month) and never think of myself as old; it is all about state of mind; I have various girlfriends that I’ve met over the years, a couple are the same age, one is in her 50s, one 40s and the other 32…. I get on with them all in exactly the same way!! Only one (one of the 62s) dresses ‘conservatively’ ; but I absolutely love meeting up with them, shopping with one, drinking wine into the early hours with others, and chatting, gossiping – both my grandmother (who died a few months off her 100th birthday) and my mother (who died age 96) were ‘young at heart’; never believing that they were ‘old’. My mother was fun, and like yours, had a wicked sense of humour. Even at the last she used to flirt with all the male staff in the home that she was in. I believe that age is just a number; it’s meant to be fun, not serious.
I really enjoyed your article, thank you for sharing
Dyanne@TravelnLass
4:28 pm on July 16, 2011What a lovely way to put it. I believe I qualify wholeheartedly of growing old “disgracefully”!.
At 40 I quit a very good corporate job and started my own international adventure travel company (specializing in off-the-beaten-path travel to Belize and Costa Rica – the former, a country few had even HEARD of back then.)
At 60 I backpacked SOLO for 6 weeks across South Africa and Mozambique.
Now in my 60′s, my hair is fully silver gray (I LOVE it!) and… I wear it in PIGTAILS! (Yes, I worried that it might make me look silly at my age, but I get soooo many compliments on it from folks of all ages)
AND… as if that weren’t enough “disgracefully”, I’m now in the process of moving lock, stock ‘n barrel to VIETNAM to teach English, and be an expat.
Indeed, my life motto is: This surely ain’t a dress rehearsal, folks!”
Jaki Scarcello
2:34 pm on February 3, 2012I love the term age disgracefully…wish I had thought of it!
I think I qualify having made major changes in my life since my 49th birthday, left a successful corporate career, started my own consulting practice, moved from Toronto to LA, had my first book published, invented a web based problem solving too and circled the world numerous timesl .
But I have to admit that while the actions were new the nature which created them was not. I always was one to take a leap, sometimes that was good, others it was defiantly not. I have long had a love of new places, the difference now is the number of miles I travel to find them but the new always intrigued me.
It occurs to me that perhaps your friends with the shapeless haircuts and lack of vigor are also living out the personalities they have had their entire lives. Were they ever the risk takers or adventurous explorers?
You seem to suggest that their current attitude comes as a reaction to aging but perhaps it is simply their natural evolution into aging.
I do however not deny that some women buy into the common negative perceptions of aging often perpetuated by media and when we provide an alternative outlook on the years post 50 it can give them some food for thought
I
Christine Davies
2:58 pm on February 3, 2012I enjoyed your article on growing old disgracefully but I must say that there is nothing wrong with embracing your age. I have just celebrated my 61st birtday having recently gained my pension, bus pass and senior citizen rail card all of which I intend to use to my advantage!
To me embracing my age means accepting the inevitable process of having lived quite a long time something for which I am very grateful for. With age confidence has grown and a greater appreciation of life has been acquired. I love life and find enjoyment in my family and friends and the freedom to do and have what I want.
For me embracing my age does not mean flat shoes and grey hair – on the contrary! But more a welcome to all the things that confidence can bring to me.
Jan King
8:16 am on February 5, 2012A woman after my own heart! What a wonderful blog.
Ceri Wheeldon
6:59 pm on February 6, 2012And mine! Life is for living the life you want, not the life expected of you !