Article by Caroline Carr
It’s so easy to get bogged down with the detail – especially when you are worried or stressed or unhappy. Yet if you can take a step back, it can make all the difference to how you feel. Sometimes it’s just remembering to do that though. And often it can be tricky to see the bigger picture and put things in perspective.
I had a client whose husband had been depressed for some time. Life was undeniably tough for her, as not only was she having to cope with her husband’s continual negativity, but also she worked full time, in a job she really disliked. Her elderly father lived nearby and needed her attention on an almost daily basis, and she told me that she felt as if her life consisted of little more than drudgery and servitude.
Feeling utterly stuck in midlife
“I don’t know where I’ve gone.” She said. I really felt for her, as I could sense that she felt utterly stuck, and couldn’t see how to make any changes.
As we talked, it became clear that she loved to travel, and had been to many exciting places as a young woman. But for the past few years she’d been working in a job that didn’t really suit her, and was exhausted with the physical and emotional demands of those she loved. Travel for her, she thought, had become a thing of the past.
I suggested that she might like some hypnosis. People come to me for hypnosis for all sorts of issues. Usually, over the course of a few sessions we uncover the root cause, and fix the issue that way. But when someone just needs an emotional break – which is often the case when your partner is depressed, hypnosis can be useful to help you to relax deeply and quickly. I only use hypnosis with partners if it’s something they’d like, because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and often people want tips and techniques to help them through their partners’ depression instead.
In this case though, my client was very willing, and the result was terrific. Whilst she was so deeply relaxed, I gave her suggestions that helped her to feel more clear, positive and optimistic. And I gave her a CD to listen to.
She ‘phoned me one week later. “I’ve arranged for my brother to look after Dad for a couple of weeks.” she said. “I’m going on holiday to Turkey with my friend. I’d like to come and see you again when I get back.”
Making changes to find ‘you’
The next time we met, she looked fantastic – rested and refreshed and full of purpose. She said she’d decided to cut down her hours at work, to give her time to concentrate on her future, to find work she enjoyed and to travel again. I asked her how her husband was. “Well, you know. Just – miserable. But he’s miserable whatever I do. He didn’t mind at all that I went away, and he’s just the same now that I’m back.”
Taking some time out can make such a difference. And there are lots of ways to take mental and emotional breaks without even going out of your house! For example, you could keep a ‘happy memory book.’ More details here: http://www.mypartnerisdepressed.com/blog/news-39
