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Fabafterfifty: Divorce

  1. How grandparents can avoid feeling marginalised when their children divorce

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    By Peter Jones, founder of Jones Myers family law specialist  While grandparents are legally entitled to make their own application for access to, or custody of, grandchildren during divorce proceedings, they have traditionally not tended to do this for fear of damaging their own child’s chances of contact. This often leaves the older generation feeling marginalised as they wait for parents to allocate some time for them to spend with grandchildren. Our advice at Jones Myers is that while they should not take sides in the divorce, grandparents play an instrumental role in children’s lives and should try to stay involved with them. They should emphasise the useful roles they can play – such as handovers and childcare – so that both parents will welcome them as safe, as opposed to critical, custodians. When...
  2. Why my pink leather jacket became a symbol of my new found freedom.

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    Article by Ceri Wheeldon I have had this pink biker jacket for at least 16 years – it was a purchase prior to my getting together with my now ex husband. It was my favourite item in my wardrobe. I loved the colour – a significant departure from my usual black – and the feel of the leather. It seemed surprisingly to go with so many things in my wardrobe. My now ‘ex’ hated me wearing it. His rationale was that he had never seen a pink cow. The same rationale did not apply to his navy leather jacket however, or his blue shoes – it seems that pink cows were the problem. I put the pink jacket at the back of the wardrobe. Gradually other items suffered the same...
  3. The Secret to Getting Back Out There After a Divorce

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      Without a doubt, getting back out there is one of the toughest things to do after a divorce. You probably lost touch with many of the buddies you had before you got married, and the friends you have made since now feel awkward and torn between the two of you. When you spend time with people who were mutual friends, there will always be that elephant in the room. You know how it goes; they sensitively try to avoid any subject, story or memory that involves the two of you, and in the end the conversation just peters out, because they only really know you as part of a couple. Starting afresh and finding a new social circle is never easy, especially if you got emotionally burned...
  4. Divorce over 50: Friendships as you move on

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    Article by Ceri Wheeldon From my own experience, friendships do change as you go through a divorce –  and your new life creates opportunities for new friendships. Divorce is never easy at any age – and navigating your way through friendships as you go through the process and come through the other side can be difficult – especially if you have an ex who not only tries to take ‘ownership’  of  assets but clearly sets out friends he believes he ‘owns’ as well! Not an issue to be argued in the divorce courts, but certainly one that needs some careful handling. I have been incredibly lucky in that as a result of my divorce I have some very special friendships that have become stronger  now that my ex is out of my life, but I...
  5. Why pre-nups enable openness and transparency to flourish

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    By Peter Jones, founder of Jones Myers family law specialist The increasing popularity of pre-nup agreements reflects how couples view their open and transparent nature as a positive factor when planning their wedding. Far from castigating the agreements as clinical and unromantic, more couples are showing that while seeking to protect inherited or family money, they also want to do ‘the right thing’ by each other – and by any children. In our vast experience, too many people marry without proper discussions about important issues such as families and careers and entering into a pre-nup promotes healthy dialogue. Also, a high percentage of couples who marry are older and have more income and capital. The disclosure aspect means that both are committed to openness. Pre-nups have grown in popularity and influence since a 2010 Supreme Court ruling recommended that, although...
  6. Five factors that facilitate a good marriage AND a “good” divorce

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    By Peter Jones, founder of Jones Myers family law specialist A good marriage and a “good divorce” might sound like extreme opposites – however both can hinge on critical common factors which can pave the way for a civilised split. Here are five areas that coincide in a good marriage and a “good” divorce. 1 Put your children first  The needs and sensitivities of children should be at the heart of a good marriage and the focus of a break up. Avoid arguing or criticising each other in front of them and reassure them that they are loved by both parents. Most importantly, if you are separating, reassure your children over and over again that it is not their fault. 2 Communicate effectively Communicating openly, honestly and frequently are the foundations of a...
  7. A six-step plan for a ‘New Year, New You’ post-divorce

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    By Peter Jones, founder of Jones Myers family law specialists. The New Year is a symbolic time for most people – one of new beginnings, hopes and aspirations for the future. Understandably, the holiday period may have left those recently divorced feeling fragile and exhausted – making it more difficult to plan ahead with any degree of enthusiasm or certainty. If you are in this situation, looking after your physical and mental wellbeing is vital to help you feel re-energised and refocused. There has never been a better time to set in place some simple resolutions to boost your quality of life – and help you to move forward with confidence and purpose. Eat well: A healthy diet provides the nutrients needed for energy, healthy metabolic rate and a robust immune...
  8. A new life as I move on from divorce in my 50s

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    Article by Ceri Wheeldon For most January is the start of a New Year, bur for me personally, January 2017 is the start of a New Life. Some may have noticed that my activity on social media has been sporadic to say the least over the past couple of years. Those who are close to me are aware of the reasons behind my retreat from sharing anything to do with my life .  I am thrilled to say that  this extremely unsettling period of my life is now over. Making a difficult decision In short I made the decision , in my mid 50s, to divorce my husband. I will not go into too many details other than to say that it was on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. Again...
  9. Four key factors to consider as an older divorcee

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    By Peter Jones, founder of Jones Myers family law specialist  With longer lives and longer health, vigour and mobility, it is unsurprising that separation and divorce rates among seniors are rising too. Long suppressed little irritations and tensions, that might have niggled for many years, but whose impact may have been lessened by the demands of children and busy lives, could achieve greater importance once the nest is empty or people start winding down to a life after work. It might be that one or both partners only stayed in the marriage until the children had flown and, unable to face the often daunting prospect of spending every waking moment together, now want out. People are living fuller lives longer and a husband or wife may simply meet somebody and want to spend...
  10. How cancer can take its toll on relationships – and how to move forward

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    By Vanessa Fox, Having battled with breast cancer and divorce in the same year, I understand from personal experience how the stress and anxiety of a diagnosis can take its toll on the most robust relationship. As more women survive the disease, there is likewise a greater recognition of how it impacts on couples’ lives and partnerships – both during and after treatment. The stress and anxiety of cancer will be a turning point for many marriages – especially those that were already under strain pre-illness and not best positioned to withstand the disruption that its treatment and management will cause. The unwelcome seismic life event and the daily emotions, challenges and decisions it forces couples, especially those with children, to face, will severely test any relationship. It can also...
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