How to be an ideal mother-in-law
Fabafterfifty: Family Matters
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Article by Cat Williams An ‘interfering mother-in-law’ is one of society’s favourite stereotypes. The term ‘mother-in-law’ sounds negative and criticising even before anything is known about the individual themselves. Mothers and daughters-in-law often find it particularly difficult to get along. What is the secret of those who can overcome the stereotype, and build a friendship with their ‘DIL’? “fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.” —Shirley MacLaine The first thing we need to recognise is that we pose a uniquely powerful threat to the self-esteem of our daughter-in-law. As an older woman we could potentially pass judgement on her as a woman, a wife, and a mother, because we might feel that we have ‘been there, done that’, and feel that we either ‘got it right’ or can advise her how to. Our daughter-in-law will be acutely aware of this. Even if we don’t actually say anything judgemental,...
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Flexible working – understanding your rights
Information from ACAS Flexible working requests are likely to increase next year when Government legislation will extend the right to request flexible working. Find out how current flexible working legislation applies to you and how things will change next year. What is flexible working? It isn’t too long since flexible working was a rare exception to the 9-5, five day working week. But many British businesses have now realised that far from being just another “perk”, offering a flexible approach to work can help them to keep talented staff who, like many of us, have other commitments outside of the workplace. Flexible working arrangements vary from working compressed or reduced hours, flexi time and working part time to job sharing or home working. TUC research published last year shows that around 1 in 5 workers aged over 55 already works regularly from home, making this the most likely age group...
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Mixing Up 4 Generations Used To Be Normal
Article by By Dr Lynda Shaw In 1952 when our Queen came to the throne of England she sent out 300 telegrams to those celebrating their 100th birthday and 14% of the population were over 60 years old. In 2012, the Queen sent out 13,420 telegrams, and 20% of the population was over 60 years old. Fantastic news but there’s a problem. We are just not seeing the mix of generations that we used to and this is vital for an ever increasing ageing population. Why do many of our young not choose to enjoy the company of those of us with so many interesting stories to tell and so much life experience? Why do older people not understand and subsequently dismiss the young? In society today, we are increasingly separating people into groups according to their age. The elderly are perhaps in care homes or living alone. They may...
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New plans to cap care home fees – key facts with infographic
Article by Fabafterfifty New plans to cap the cost of care have been announced. For anyone navigating the process of organising care for a family member or wanting to understand the implications for their own long term future, the proposals are explained. KEY FACTS Facts on current care costs and the cap Care costs are unpredictable – one in ten people have care costs of over £100,000 whilst one in five have no care costs; There is no safety net to protect people them from losing almost everything they have saved up and worked for in their lifetime. Individuals with assets of £150,000 face paying up to £120,000 pounds towards their care and support. The number of over 85 is set to double by 2030, and cases of dementia expected to rise at a similar rate. This increases the importance of addressing the uncertainty individuals face about their care costs. The reforms are: A...
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What do you do if you have a vulnerable family member and there is a fault with their phone?
Article by Ceri Wheeldon What do you do if you have a vulnerable family member and there is a fault with their phone? As we cope with ageing members of our family, it is always good to know if there are any schems that can help avert potential problems. Did you know that if you meet the criteria, it is possible register a vulnerable family member on a (free) fast track telephone repair service? I only discovered this when assisting my own parents last week when they had no telephone service, I have spent many hours resolving problems with phone lines in the past, so I know every little tip helps! My own parents are of a generation where they rely heavily on their landline . They don’t like mobiles, and so far have tried various pay as you go phones with little success as far getting a signal in...
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Home for Christmas – your child, homesickness and how to handle it.
Article by Caroline Carr Has your son or daughter just finished their first term at university or college? How have they been? And how have you been? Has the break away from you been tricky or traumatic, or has it been absolutely fine? Lots of young people will not allow themselves to admit to being homesick – yet I reckon many long to be back with their families for ages after they have ‘left home.’ This can fuel or even trigger anxiety and/or depression sometimes. And you might never know, because they don’t tell you. I had a client who had a promising career, but had developed what I believe was a Generalised Anxiety Disorder whilst at University. She had told no-one, but her student life was marred by underlying feelings of worry and anxiety, and also very low mood – and she had no idea why. She had coped...
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Does your daughter-in-law view you as the mother-in-law from hell?
Article by Fabafterfifty How do you welcome your child’s partner into your family? Research revealed millions of women find themselves in daily battles with their other half’s mum over everything from style and fashion to how to bring up the kids. The report also found as many as one in ten women are currently not speaking to their mother-in-law following a particularly bitter bust-up. Sharing their opinions on how to raise the children was the most common bone of contention, followed by acting as if they know what’s best for the kids. Constantly stating ‘In my day, we did it like this ..’ also ranked highly, as did taking credit for all her son’s good points because ‘he takes after her’. References to weight and fashion sense also cause friction, the report revealed. The issues emerged following a study carried out among 2,000 adults by OnePoll- their spokesman commented: ”There...
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Where to find help when care is needed for elderly relatives
Article by Fabafterfifty Today many of us may find ourselves as part of the sandwich generation- still having kids at home while also taking on increasing responsibility for the care of elderly parents. Many of us may struggle with caring for elderly parents until reaching breaking point, then having to make decisions in a crisis situation without knowing who or where to turn to regarding care and support of elderly relatives who are no longer able to live at home without professional help. Majority of adults unaware of what care is available (59%) and have no idea how much it costs (66%) More than two thirds of people say that they are not likely to consider care decisions until they become urgent, increasing the risk of not choosing the best provision A quarter of adults who already use care provision say they struggled to find appropriate care and now feel...
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Getting on with the in-laws! Lulu offers her tips on becoming a mother-in-law
Article by Lulu. While every newly married couple is warned about nightmare mother-in-laws (we’ve all heard the jokes), something that is not mentioned is the sudden change in the balance of the family as a whole when one of your children gets married. As well as gaining a daughter or son, you are gaining a whole other family who will become part of yours for ever. Their advice will be just as important as yours and their role just as key. You will all attend the same ‘big’ events. You will love and care about the same people. And if you are lucky enough, you will become co-grandparents – and both be quite sure no-one has loved this grandchild quite like you! Hoping my son’s wife would like his mother When my son Jordan met Alanna, I was thrilled for him to have found such a loving, kind and beautiful...
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Are we sending our children off to University not knowing how to boil and egg?
Article by Fabafterfifty It seems we are sending our children off to university with many of them not knowing how to boil an egg or do their own washing according to a new survey. Hopefully they won’t starve as they learn how to bake potatoes or learn how to use the washing machine (it seems many mums can expects visits home with the ‘pleasure’ of handling the dirty washing! But even if they have not quite managed to come grips with the iron or tumble dryer, there are gadgets they are more than capable of using, such as mobile phones and laptops, so you can expects calls, texts , emails and messages via social media to keep you up to date with their progress. Better at setting up laptops than using the vacuum cleaner Staggeringly, more students could even set up their laptop or video games console independently than vacuum...
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