Know Your Family Health Story
Fabafterfifty: Relationships
Whether we are happily single, married, divorced, widowed or separated, relationships and families are always the most important aspects of our lives.
How do we assess our own relationships once the children have left home? Back in the dating game? – how do we go about meeting a new partner? How do we react to the changing needs of family members.
Help is at hand..
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By Elizabeth A. Havey of Boomer Highway Mothers/fathers, sisters/brothers and a variety of wonderful combinations make up families—yours and mine. We live together and grow together. Often we form wonderful memories of day-to-day life that sustains us in times of struggle and provides laughter when we gather for birthdays and weddings. And though we may share hair color and skin tone, the shape of our noses or the ability to sing or play hockey, we also share a biological heritage that can sometimes mean a propensity for a certain cancer, or the possibility of inheriting a familial disease. Though family get-togethers often mean sharing and planning for the future of children and grandchildren, they should also provide an opportunity for remembering the past. The reason: in our mobile society where every day more blended families are formed and those families often live thousands of miles from relatives, it’s become extremely...
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What does your emotional journey through your divorce look like?
Article by Adele Theron Lucy’s emotional journey: This graph below tracks the healing experience of one of Lucy, a 54 year old woman experiencing divorce which came as a major shock when her husband suddenly left her. It illustrates the first year of the past five years of her life as drawn by her. Lucy’s rollercoaster started off with a big shock stage, an initial paralysis at hearing the bad news of her husband leaving her. She described it as a big kick in her stomach and an indescribable ache. This was followed by a denial stage where she spent days trying to avoid the inevitable, telling herself it was not happening. This was followed by an anger and betrayal stage where Lucy was very angry with her husband. Unsure of how to process the emotions she simply ignored them, and began panicking that she had lost him. She spent...
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Why your friends and family are sometimes the worst support during your divorce
Article by Adele Theron Although your friends and family are an important part of your life, you may find that they’re ill equipped to support you through your loss. I found that even though my friends and family were well meaning, they didn’t know what to say to me and I often didn’t feel better around them. Before you chuck up this well-meaning lot, remember that although they’re trying hard, they’re just not equipped or trained to help you. Society has conditioned them to deal with loss in a particular way. It’s not their fault. They love you very much and they hate to see you suffering. They’ll try to take the pain away and will do whatever they can in the moment to achieve this. Whenever I hung out my friends they would try to distract me from the pain I was feeling or unknowingly invalidate my emotions and...
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Avoid Short Term Emotion Avoidance Tactics during your divorce healing journey
Article by Adele Theron John James and Russell Friedman tell the story of how a mother may deal with a child’s crying by offering the child a cookie. The mother may say “Don’t cry. Here, have a cookie and you will feel better.” Later in life, that child could associate fixing their feelings with food. Eating the cookie in the moment, the child gets distracted and may forget about the incident that caused the upset, but the fact remains that there was no emotional completion of the pain caused by the event. The event and all the feelings associated with it, were buried. Short Term Emotion Avoidance Tactics will help you feel better in each moment BUT the thing to be aware of is that you are not feeling better for real – it’s a false sense of security – a false feeling of recovery. It fits into the False...
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So what are some of the common feelings when experiencing a shock divorce?
Article by Adele Theron My name is Adèle and I am a Divorce Angel. I remember the first four days after my husband left. They were brutal. At 02:30 am I was on my third glass of wine and hadn’t eaten in three days. I had been in my pyjamas for 36 hours straight and had chain-smoked 40 cigarettes (and I’m not even a smoker!). There was a pile of laundry on the couch waiting to be ironed and used tissues everywhere. The house was in absolute chaos and I didn’t feel like doing anything. I wasn’t answering my phone or talking to my family or anyone else. I had a vision of being found dead of a broken heart at the age of 85, still wearing my pyjamas, with no love or man in my life. The only time I left the house, I was so distracted, I almost...
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Does falling in love mid-life contribute to mid-life weight gain?
Article by Fabafterfifty If you start a relationship in your 50s, it may not be just changing hormones contributing to that fat around the middle! It seems getting comfortable in a new relationship may also be partly to blame. 90 per cent of women put on weight when they settle down with a long term partner, with the average female gaining 16 lbs, a new survey has revealed. The study showed that a 56 per cent majority started to gain weight four to six months into the relationship; with most citing that this was when they reached the ‘comfy’ period. Romantic dinners for two Of the 1000 women surveyed 35 per cent cited an increase in cosy nights in as a key reason for their weight gain. One in five women said it was because they felt comfortable enough not to worry about their figure, whilst one in ten blamed...
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Tips for looking after Ageing Parents – Long Distance
Article by Kay Newton I am often asked how I cope with my aging parents being so far away. How can I sleep at night without worrying about them, how could I possibly leave them and live in another country. Yet for me living in Majorca, is no different than living in the South of England and your parents living up North – it still takes time to cover the distance! I made the decision to move countries over 26 years ago when my parents health was not an issue. I have always followed the philosophy that if you have to do something, you have to do it, no matter what others may think. The past five year have certainly been the toughest, I have worried about my Mum and my Dad after Mum had her severe stroke which paralyzed her left side. At first, the worry was all about...
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Dating tips over 50. Planning your first date.
Dating Tips from Mary Balfour Field tested tips on setting the scene for that first date I’m Mary Balfour and my job is to help people fall in love! It can be quite tough out there for singles seeking a soul-mate in our crazy disconnected world. A lottery with few winners – as I know from my own personal experience. Quite different to the old days when your family and community lost no time in getting you matched and hitched. For 26 years now I’ve been helping singles find the solution to this dilemma through Drawing Down the Moon, which was the UK’s first personal dating agency. Also, with my Smart Dating book, videos, coaching, seminars and my internet site – www.grownupdating.com. I’m often asked about the best way to approach that all-important first date. A first date, whether you’re 18 or 80, can be a bit intimidating, especially if...![Mary Balfour signature [320x200]](http://www.fabafterfifty.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Mary-Balfour-signature-320x200-150x150.jpg)
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A poem for midlife romantics for Valentine’s Day
Poem by Jan Jack We recently featured Jan Jack as one of our ‘Fabwomen’. Jan has carved a new career for herself in her 50s writing poetry. Today Jan shares with us her quirky sense of humour and her Valentine’s Lament- especially for midlife romantics. Enjoy! Be My Valentine I hope that you notice my Valentine hint, If you’re buying me chocolate, it has to be Llindt, Some flowers from the florist, some bright fragrant blooms, Not bought at the garage, all wilting with fumes. I want to eat out, and use nice plates that match, Not drive by McDonalds and whiz past the hatch, I want some nice undies, some earrings, a watch, Not pairs of thin knickers that don’t have a crotch, When I’m asking for clothes – perhaps a nice winter coat, Don’t stare at the telly and clutch the remote. I’d like you to be a considerate...
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How to cope with Valentines’s Day if your partner is depressed.
Article by by Caroline Carr Maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t for you. Perhaps you aren’t bothered about hearts and flowers and wine and chocolates, and romantic trips abroad and luxurious silk lingerie, and soppy messages in cards. Or maybe you love all that. Traditionally it’s a day for two people to express and celebrate their love – or at the very least to exchange tokens of affection. If you’re single, you probably feel fed up because everyone around you seems to get a card. And if your partner is no longer alive, Valentine’s Day may be a time of sadness, but also of many loving memories. Valentine’s Day can be a poignant reminder that your relationship has changed But when your partner is depressed, Valentine’s Day can be a poignant reminder that your relationship has changed. The fun, the friendship, the intimacy and emotional support can dwindle, as depression eats away...
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