My dilemma – is it time to end a friendship? A very personal post.
Fabafterfifty: Wellbeing
Empty nesting”, “sandwich generation” these are examples of terms associated with our age group- here we look to explore what these terms mean to us, and how we can better understand ourselves and our reactions to this phase of our lives.
A selection of your questions will be responded to as we move forward.
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Article by Ceri Wheeldon I normally avoid sharing anything too personal here, but I have found myself very upset and at a loss as to what to do. For years every time a particular friend has let me down, I have always given her the benefit of the doubt. There have been countless occasions when I have been let down at the final hour ‘Oh, I wasn’t sure it was a firm arrangement and I know you wouldn’t want me to miss out on the chance to catch up with so and so, go to the theatre, have a last minute treatment at xyz, etc….’. I remember travelling into London for lunch to be told – oh I thought it was only a quick coffee – I’ve made other arrangements for lunch’. My husband has repeatedly said- walk away. But I have always felt I should not throw away a...
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Setting up a business over 50: How To Stop Your Business Running You
Article by Sue Roberts Starting and running a business is one of the most rewarding, challenging, amazing and scary things a woman can do in her life, and one of the most common problems clients come to see me about is when, after a few years of doing their business, it seems to be running them. ‘But I don’t want to get up at 5am every morning!’ one said recently. And why should you? Unless you want to of course. And that’s the thing: we all want different things out of our life, and our business, and the wise woman considers this before she starts. The size and potential shape of a business, whether it will employ people, or just be you, if it’s a full time or part time entity all needs careful consideration. Know what you want, and you can manage your time and energy to get it....
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Why are you resisting? How to solve problems
Article by Alan Barker Before you read on, please do this. Count the number of pieces of clothing you put on this morning (pairs count as one), and write the number down. Now, do a multiplication sum. For example, for seven pieces of clothing, calculate: 7x6x5x4x3x2x1. Did you do what I asked? I’ll bet you didn’t. My request interfered with your desire to read this article; and you resisted. In psychological terms, I tried to wrench you out of procedure. And probably failed. Procedural memory and why it’s good for us Procedural memories underlie the routines that make us effective. By repeating the same task repeatedly, we ‘pattern in’ the relevant networks in our brains until they fire automatically. Before we know it, we’re driving the car, playing tennis, or getting dressed – without thinking. (Back to that calculation. If you put on seven pieces of clothing this morning, you...
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How to cope with the changes an Empty Nest brings
Article by Irene Brankin You may be approaching the ‘Empty Nest’ with dread, but as Irene Brankin explains, the empty nest can also open up a whole new world of possibilities: My business card has on the back of it “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans” (John Lennon) not only because it makes me smile but because of my own experience of just that in many different ways including illness, loss of different “hats” I held and my son leaving home for University and marriage. So yes, life has a way of pulling the rug from under you not only children leaving home (the Empty Nest Syndrome), but nowadays so many are losing their jobs, perhaps through no fault of their own, illness, divorce, death and, of course, everyday problems that can arise unexpectedly. Life just doesn’t happen as you want it to, however, much...
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Top tips for thriving when you move home or relocate midlife
Article by Sue Ritchie When my son was nine, I sold our house, packed our cases and he and I flew to Borneo, in South East Asia, to live and work. That was 10 years ago. Josh is now 18, and in a few weeks time he’ll be starting University. I know that he’s feeling nervous, and maybe a little anxious about this new change. I also know that his earlier experiences in life will have helped him to deal with new people and new surroundings confidently, and with a minimum of self doubt. He can relate our past moves to how he’s feeling now and use that knowledge to put his ‘wobbles’ in perspective. There aren’t many 18 year olds with those kinds of memories to draw on. Making a move in mid-life is something many of us begin to think about and luckily for us, we do have...![Sue Ritchie image [800x600]](http://www.fabafterfifty.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Sue-Ritchie-image-800x600-150x150.jpg)
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Self-care or selfish? – that is the question!
Article by Doreen Gowing Some years ago when I stopped to have a look at my life, it was about the same time as another relationship came to an end, work was plodding along, I watched too much telly and I was nearer to 50 than 40. I found the words, “Are you someone who is very good at looking after everyone else to the almost exclusion of yourself?” jump out at me. Even though I didn’t see myself in this light at all, they somehow stuck in my brain, funny how that happens. The more I thought about it the more I realised I was labelling myself selfish for being busy, busy, busy. I was into distraction and the bottom line was I wasn’t taking care of myself, you know eating rubbish, drinking too much, dashing from one adventure to the next and one relationship after the other,not getting...
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Changing Gear: A bike ride from Britain to Bulgaria. Coping with bereavement with positive change
Article by Eileen Sutherland We all cope with bereavement and grief in different ways- Eileen shares her journey following the death of her son. In July 2006 when I was 54 my husband and I cycled from Britain to Bulgaria. I was unfit, overweight and had a dodgy knee. He was fit, an experienced cyclist and very strong. So naturally when it came to allocating panniers, tents, bike boxes and thermarests I voted that he carry them. He (Allan) manfully took the brunt of the weight but due to lack of space I did have to carry some stuff. As a result there was a lot of shouting and crying from me as we cycled across Holland and Germany. But by the time we reached Austria I was taking things in my stride. My Lycra cycling shorts were starting to ‘bag’ around my bum and tum and I was able...
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Do men suffer a crisis of confidence as they approach retirement?
Article by Larry Gould It was 11 o’clock on a spring morning 13 years ago. I sat in a daze sipping a warm cappuccino and waiting for my wife in the plush surroundings of the Harvey Nicks Café on Five thinking about the weeks leading up to my departure, and trying to decide how to spend the rest of my life, when I was rudely interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. I looked up to see an old ‘friend’ with whom I had shared a flat in London. I never really liked the guy as, amongst other things, he was always a bigger hit with the ladies than I (and too often for it to be a coincidence, usually the same ladies I had my eye on). “I heard you sold up Larry, congratulations!” He said. I nodded and tried to look disinterested. “So what does it feel like...
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Does friendship change over 50?
Article by Jaki Scarcello Does friendship change in the second half of our life? Friends from childhood? Work colleagues? New friendships formed from shared interests? Jaki Scarcello explores the changing nature of friendship over 50, seeing all friendships as gifts. Friendship is in a woman’s DNA. We cannot rid ourselves of the imprint of a shared fire and a bit of companionable gab over the fresh hunt. In fact, according to Anna Holmes who writes for the New Yorker online “It is other women, not men…who most impact the evolution of girls into women. Other women, not men, who provide the opportunities for self-expression and self-discovery. Other women, not men, who bear witness to the triumphs and tragedies of young womanhood. Other women, not men, in whom we both find and lose ourselves” Friendship is a hot topic for women of that certain age and it came up a lot...
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Approaching 50 and having to cope with a husband leaving for a younger woman. Any advice?
Article by Ceri Wheeldon Approaching a milestone birthday and coping with the end of a marriage at the same time is proving difficult for one reader. With her permission I am sharing the email she sent to me, hoping that other women can relate to her situation and offer some tips and support to deal with this difficult situation “Hi, I need advice. My husband of 20yrs has had an affair and has left our marriage. He moved his mistress in and they live near me. I am not coping with this much younger woman seeing my teenage boys. I am tearful, anxious and depressed with the situation and am on medication. No doubt there are other women who are in similar situations. How do you cope with the feeling that somebody has taken your life from you. My husband has done this before and I forgave him, but it’s...
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