How to cope with the changes an Empty Nest brings
Fabafterfifty: Wellbeing
Empty nesting”, “sandwich generation” these are examples of terms associated with our age group- here we look to explore what these terms mean to us, and how we can better understand ourselves and our reactions to this phase of our lives.
A selection of your questions will be responded to as we move forward.
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Article by Irene Brankin You may be approaching the ‘Empty Nest’ with dread, but as Irene Brankin explains, the empty nest can also open up a whole new world of possibilities: My business card has on the back of it “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans” (John Lennon) not only because it makes me smile but because of my own experience of just that in many different ways including illness, loss of different “hats” I held and my son leaving home for University and marriage. So yes, life has a way of pulling the rug from under you not only children leaving home (the Empty Nest Syndrome), but nowadays so many are losing their jobs, perhaps through no fault of their own, illness, divorce, death and, of course, everyday problems that can arise unexpectedly. Life just doesn’t happen as you want it to, however, much...
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Top tips for thriving when you move home or relocate midlife
Article by Sue Ritchie When my son was nine, I sold our house, packed our cases and he and I flew to Borneo, in South East Asia, to live and work. That was 10 years ago. Josh is now 18, and in a few weeks time he’ll be starting University. I know that he’s feeling nervous, and maybe a little anxious about this new change. I also know that his earlier experiences in life will have helped him to deal with new people and new surroundings confidently, and with a minimum of self doubt. He can relate our past moves to how he’s feeling now and use that knowledge to put his ‘wobbles’ in perspective. There aren’t many 18 year olds with those kinds of memories to draw on. Making a move in mid-life is something many of us begin to think about and luckily for us, we do have...![Sue Ritchie image [800x600]](http://www.fabafterfifty.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Sue-Ritchie-image-800x600-150x150.jpg)
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Self-care or selfish? – that is the question!
Article by Doreen Gowing Some years ago when I stopped to have a look at my life, it was about the same time as another relationship came to an end, work was plodding along, I watched too much telly and I was nearer to 50 than 40. I found the words, “Are you someone who is very good at looking after everyone else to the almost exclusion of yourself?” jump out at me. Even though I didn’t see myself in this light at all, they somehow stuck in my brain, funny how that happens. The more I thought about it the more I realised I was labelling myself selfish for being busy, busy, busy. I was into distraction and the bottom line was I wasn’t taking care of myself, you know eating rubbish, drinking too much, dashing from one adventure to the next and one relationship after the other,not getting...
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Changing Gear: A bike ride from Britain to Bulgaria. Coping with bereavement with positive change
Article by Eileen Sutherland We all cope with bereavement and grief in different ways- Eileen shares her journey following the death of her son. In July 2006 when I was 54 my husband and I cycled from Britain to Bulgaria. I was unfit, overweight and had a dodgy knee. He was fit, an experienced cyclist and very strong. So naturally when it came to allocating panniers, tents, bike boxes and thermarests I voted that he carry them. He (Allan) manfully took the brunt of the weight but due to lack of space I did have to carry some stuff. As a result there was a lot of shouting and crying from me as we cycled across Holland and Germany. But by the time we reached Austria I was taking things in my stride. My Lycra cycling shorts were starting to ‘bag’ around my bum and tum and I was able...
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Do men suffer a crisis of confidence as they approach retirement?
Article by Larry Gould It was 11 o’clock on a spring morning 13 years ago. I sat in a daze sipping a warm cappuccino and waiting for my wife in the plush surroundings of the Harvey Nicks Café on Five thinking about the weeks leading up to my departure, and trying to decide how to spend the rest of my life, when I was rudely interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. I looked up to see an old ‘friend’ with whom I had shared a flat in London. I never really liked the guy as, amongst other things, he was always a bigger hit with the ladies than I (and too often for it to be a coincidence, usually the same ladies I had my eye on). “I heard you sold up Larry, congratulations!” He said. I nodded and tried to look disinterested. “So what does it feel like...
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Does friendship change over 50?
Article by Jaki Scarcello Does friendship change in the second half of our life? Friends from childhood? Work colleagues? New friendships formed from shared interests? Jaki Scarcello explores the changing nature of friendship over 50, seeing all friendships as gifts. Friendship is in a woman’s DNA. We cannot rid ourselves of the imprint of a shared fire and a bit of companionable gab over the fresh hunt. In fact, according to Anna Holmes who writes for the New Yorker online “It is other women, not men…who most impact the evolution of girls into women. Other women, not men, who provide the opportunities for self-expression and self-discovery. Other women, not men, who bear witness to the triumphs and tragedies of young womanhood. Other women, not men, in whom we both find and lose ourselves” Friendship is a hot topic for women of that certain age and it came up a lot...
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Approaching 50 and having to cope with a husband leaving for a younger woman. Any advice?
Article by Ceri Wheeldon Approaching a milestone birthday and coping with the end of a marriage at the same time is proving difficult for one reader. With her permission I am sharing the email she sent to me, hoping that other women can relate to her situation and offer some tips and support to deal with this difficult situation “Hi, I need advice. My husband of 20yrs has had an affair and has left our marriage. He moved his mistress in and they live near me. I am not coping with this much younger woman seeing my teenage boys. I am tearful, anxious and depressed with the situation and am on medication. No doubt there are other women who are in similar situations. How do you cope with the feeling that somebody has taken your life from you. My husband has done this before and I forgave him, but it’s...
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The Most Glamorous Hollywood Stars Over 50
Article by Rachel Barnard 6 female stars who prove things only get better after 50 Our society is very youth-focused. In a world where we buy creams to banish wrinkles in our late 20s what kind of message does this send to middle-aged women? Women over 50 are in their prime—established, comfortable in their own skin, and sure, containing a few bumps and bruises due to “finding oneself in their 20s and 30s, but much better because of it. For women in the entertainment industry, once the age of 50 is reached, many will tell you that they’re finally being admired for their diverse talent—rather than being cast purely on the basis of look. And many understandably openly embrace their mature status as a time to truly shine with a sigh of relief. Here are six Hollywood leading ladies that prove things get more fabulous in your fifties… 1. Meryl...
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How do we continue to act as role models for our adult children?
Article by Jackie O’Carroll Part of getting older is being wiser about parenting – making a success of our lives, continuing to act as role models for our children. But sometimes it’s hard. Leaving our son and daughter in London, where they both live, we are heading back up north to Liverpool. Over the years I have learnt to let go. It’s not easy and I know that if they were living at home again full time it might be different. I know that they need their own space, that they need parents who believe in them and who encourage them to go – to make their own mistakes, their own success, their own lives. But it is still hard, watching them go, walking away to their own lives of which I know some, but probably not much! As it should be really. Trusting sons and daughters I remember when...
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Will the financial reality of retirement match your dream of retirement?
Article by Fabafterfifty How do you see your life in retirement? The dream and the reality may be dramatically different according to a new study. And most of the disappointment in retirement will come from lack of funds. It seems many retirees are not financially prepared to turn their retirement dreams into reality. Millions of people think their retired life will be filled with luxury- but face a grim reality check, it emerged yesterday. Researchers found Brits refuse to give up on an idealistic vision of their golden years, expecting glorious sandy beaches, rounds of golf, and glamorous city breaks. The study of 2,000 British adults determined how people predict their retirement will be, before measuring those expectations against the experience of those already retired. The ‘retirement: ideal versus reality’ report found many have a vision of new cars, spa visits and tranquillity, but in reality just a tenth are...
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