I was making what I now appreciate was a somewhat half-hearted attempt at giving up smoking I did the Love Not Smoking course and kept looking at the book, sometimes a bit too often really especially as I was constantly thinking I “needed” a cigarette, then a close friend of mine died, no warning, no time to say goodbye she was gone. Death really is so final and to be robbed of telling someone what a great friend they had been left me feeling very unhappy and I reached for the cigarettes, did they help I wonder, who knows but I know in that moment had I not gone to buy 10 cigarettes (only real smokers buy 20’s) I would have felt even worse if that had been possible.
I got through the funeral and started reading Karen Pine’s book again, some days I didn’t even have a cigarette I still thought about them and never missed the opportunity of beg, borrowing or stealing a cigarette from a friend, but I had stopped buying them and things in my mind at least were moving forward and for quite a few weeks all seemed to be moving in the right direction, yes I had the odd cigarette but nothing like I had before.
Then I got the news of the death of a close relative, again no warning, no time to say goodbye, well one minute, no reason for concern and dead a few hours later. To say I was shocked would go as an understatement but there were many others with grief and as in all families, it was quite complicated. As soon as I could I went out and bought 20 cigarettes I had no “shall I, shan’t l” notions, I wanted to buy my packet of cigarettes and no one would have stopped me. I continued smoking right up until the day of the funeral and looked forward to lighting up, I failed to care what anyone thought of me smoking again and no one was silly enough to bring it to my attention. No I didn’t smoke excessively and definitely far less than I had done in my real smoking days but I was most definitely a smoker and I didn’t even look at the Love Not Smoking book and wouldn’t have discussed the matter with anyone had they asked.
Following the funeral I smoked the last two cigarettes in my box of 20 and that was it my crisis was over, the pain remained but I could cope with that. Strangely the need for a cigarette no longer seemed to be there, it is now over two weeks and in the past whenever I have given or tried to give up, cigarettes and smoking have been constantly on my mind this time thankfully they aren’t, I have even gone hours perhaps even a day without thinking about a cigarette and definitely never thinking I need I drop everything and rush out for the nicotine rush.
I can’t say I will never ever smoke again but for the past two weeks I haven’t had one and it would really be a great shame to start again at this point wouldn’t it?
I do believe Karen Pine’s book Love No Smoking offers excellent preparation and gives some great tips but everyone giving up needs to know themselves that the time is right for them and this time it will be for good.
Love Not Smoking: Do Something Different by Karen Pine and Ben (C) Fletcher is published by Hay House Publishers