Where are all the good men? Are they in hiding? A question put to me by a single friend. Now in her 50s , divorced for five years, attractive , intelligent, she has gone through the rounds of internet dating, asking friends for introductions to any like candidates, joined various interest groups, yet found no one to form a relationship with.
Her impression was that most of the men of her age were more interested in much younger partners, and those who were open seemed too troubled, only wanting to talk about and reflect on their own divorces. Surely, she said, you must know SOMEONE you can introduce me too?
I asked my husband to put his thinking cap on. While we could list countless single, normal, well balanced single female friends, we could think of no available single male friends (well, one, but having had countless of his ex girlfriends call in tears or sat at our kitchen table nursing cups of coffee, glasses of wine and broken hearts, we decided long ago that we would not risk subjecting any friends to his antics). We then thought of a second – geography a problem, lives the other side of the Atlantic (plus I have not yet forgiven him for saying that when he meets a woman he looks at her hands and neck first to assess her age on the basis that ‘everyone’s having work done on their faces these days’!)
Internet dating can work for women over 50
Was she right? Were there no nice, mature men who are happy to form relationships with women in their 50s.
I do know of success stories. Internet dating does work for some, Karen, who we featured recently met her husband online. You have to be prepared to take ‘the knocks’. You will in all likelihood meet serial daters, and there may well be disappointments.
Another friend met her husband on a ski holiday organised by the Spice activity group. Even if she had not met him, she would have had a holiday doing something she enjoyed. Another friend met her current partner at the local tennis club.
I’m of the firm opinion that if you don’t buy a ticket you don’t win a prize. If you don’t want to stay single you have to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself in situations where you can meet new people- expanding your social circle may well lead to new introductions.
Do you and any of single friends have platonic male friends? Why not organise a get-together and see if you find each other’s ‘friends’ attractive. You never know.
Don’t give up hope, but don’t put your everyday life on hold while waiting to meet someone. Do the things you enjoy. People who are enthusiastic about their own lives are more interesting to others.
And it’s never too late- Linda wrote a heartwarming piece about her mother meeting her soulmate in her 70s. There are still ‘good’ men out there. Finding them may just take a little effort, patience and hope.