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Are you ready to start dating again after divorce, separation or partner loss?


Article by Teresa Welch

How do you know if you are ready for dating again after relationship collapse? For some the thought of dating again fills them with dread, and for others they can’t wait to get back in the dating scene. Having suddenly become single myself after a 12 year marriage ended and with two very small children, dating was the last thing on my mind, and naively at only 34 I thought that when I was ready it would be easy. How wrong could I have been? No one tells you that your life will never be the same again. Different, but never the same. Through chance in the early day’s I did go on a couple of dates. I was going through a divorce & that was my main concern & affecting every area of my life. So of course the whole dating experience was me boring the date with the very personal facts of my divorce. Naturally, they didn’t want to see me again, and that just created more rejection.

The fickle finger of fate then handed me a great opportunity, I landed a job working for a national dating agency I was encountering on a daily basis people going through the same thing as myself, some much worse, their stories were sad. And I quickly identified that we as humans, were actually quite a cruel race. The one thing those clients all had in common was loneliness, wanting to meet someone to ease their pain & loneliness. Grasping for any glimpse of life after loss, and they made some mistakes.  Over the past 15 years I have been on my own personal journey, however, having successfully matched many couples, whilst at the same time creating awareness of the risks relating to dating if you date too soon.

Later I will talk about where to go to meet someone; I will address openly Introduction agencies, personal ads, and talk about the pros & cons of internet dating.

How do you know if you are ready to start dating?

But firstly, let’s identify key areas to see if you are ready for dating

Are you still going through the malaise of divorce? Has your partner passed away within the last 12 months? Have you sorted through your finances, sold the marital home, found a rented property to call home? Whatever your individual circumstances have you gone through the upheaval and come out the other side. If you have then you are ready for dating, if you haven’t then you are probably not ready. Dating is all about timing & planning, you have to know your way around the minefield, basically we are living in the 21st century, there are no fairy godmothers to sprinkle fairy dust and magic us up a partner. There will be few friends who will match you with their brother or next door neighbour. Meeting someone is down to you, but the trick is identifying the type of person you would like to meet too.  Having idealistic expectations is a sure way to bring disappointment. But, you have to be ready.

Finding love after loss

It’s very hard being over 50 and feeling left on the shelf, wandering aimlessly with no goal or direction on how to find love after loss. If I could bottle a love potion to make people fall & stay in love I would. Instead I try to pass on my knowledge & experience to others, to help them lead fulfilled & happy lives. To capture opportunities that come their way, create their own opportunities too, let down their barriers & embrace change.

Samantha was 53 when I met her, she had lost her husband of 15 years to a heart attack, he dropped down dead in front of her on their kitchen floor, and she was absolutely devastated. They had known each other since they were very young, child hood sweethearts. And came together when they were older. Their love was easy, inseparable. She made a huge decision to leave the home & county and started a new life in the West Country. Very slowly the painful process of grieving was easing, she wanted to meet someone. An extremely attractive and full of energy person was not going to be locked away; she emerged from her grieving with a zest to live everyday as it was her last. I matched her with Derek, he was a divorcee with the same zest for life, their first date was a lunch time meet in a pub, several hours later they were still sitting there chatting as if they had known each other for years. I can tell you, they had four happy years together, lovely holidays, fun & laughter. Just what the doctor ordered.

I guess the timing was right for these two; it can happen at any age, you just have to believe it and try a love of a different kind. Samantha would have never been attracted physically to Derek in normal circumstances; her usual type was good looking & a bit of a lad (her words). Derek was slightly overweight, balding and a touch eccentric. I always tell people try and look at the qualities of the person and character rather than the physical traits that first draw our attention to a person. It could just turn out to be the kind of love that you have never known before.

Next time I will help you decide on what Avenue you would like to take in meeting someone….

 

Love

Teresa

Don’t Leave Fate to chance

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Diane Priestley

    August 24, 2012

    Excellent, wise and helpful article Teresa. Yes I agree that divorcees and the widowed need to allow time for closure, emotionally and practically after a marriage before embarking on the dating scene. When ready, being proactive and intelligent is good advice too.

  2. Kim

    January 30, 2014

    I totally agree, and I’m ready! Got used to me and my needs and that’s taken me 7 yrs, I was married for 13
    Half of that to work out who and what I am
    Theresa thank you x

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