Valentine’s Day can highlight a number of different relationship issues, many of which could be addressed at any time of the year. From reigniting a relationship which has become stale in midlife, to addressing feelings of loneliness if you are single, Dr RO addresses questions and emotions that people feel or want to ask about but are often afraid to ask:
How to reignite a stale relationship in midlife
- I love and care for my partner but we have lost our connection – what can I do to re-ignite it?
Firstly it is important not to feel alone in this experience – I have met hundreds of couples who experience this.
Valentine’s Day is a great day to take advantage of as if gives you a chance to make a special effort to bring some new passion into the relationship.
However, it cannot stop with Valentines Day! Use the day as a catalyst to break the current pattern you have between you.
So the first thing is to set up an experience on the day that is different to what you have done before, romantic but not involving anything that will distract you from each other (like a movie).
A quiet experience that allows you to talk with your partner face to face, in a romantic and open way.
Then use this time to open up and share your love for him/her and be honest enough to say that you want to work on your relationship and do whatever it takes to re-ignite the passion and intimacy between you.
It always starts with one person reaching out and being honest. Allow your partner to express their feelings, concerns and passions and start building from there.
Feeling more alone on Valentine’s Day
- I am single and for some reason feel more alone on Valentine’s Day than any other time of the year.
It is really important to remember that there is a big distinction between feeling alone and feeling lonely.
I always remind my clients that you are never truly alone – each of us in some way has someone in our lives, who if we really had to, could reach out to them for a connection. Be it a friend, family member, someone from work, a person who you bump into regularly, there are always people around us.
So this feeling you are really having is slightly different and deeper – I believe it is about your need for connection with someone at a more intimate level.
As a single person, when you see others connecting you find yourself feeling left out and not having the connection you truly seek.
The important thing is to start to change the way see yourself.
Rather than think about what you are missing – think about the fact that you have the chance now to attract an amazing person to you.
That you have the chance to find someone who you can choose to be with and you deserve to attract.
Act differently. Talk differently and believe that that person will appear at the right time. And BE HAPPY for the couples that have found each other as that will be you soon too.
- I feel pressure to do something romantic on Valentine’s Day and I don’t always feel I have to do it just because of a specific day.
This is a great point. Sometimes we can feel pressured because everyone else is doing it.
Why not choose another day to celebrate or ahead of the Valentine’s Day – surprise your partner by letting them you know have booked a romantic experience at another time.
And say “you are so special to me that I want us to experience our own special day unique to what everyone else is doing.”
You partner will love you more for being you than for conforming to what everyone else does.
- As a single person what can I do to enjoy Valentine’s Day without feeling the pressure of having to be with someone.
Spend time with some really close friends who love you. Or do the same with family. Why not go to a local homeless shelter and share your time, your love and support for others that have nobody?
Make Valentine’s Day about giving beyond yourself in the knowledge that the right person will come along at the right time.
- Can you help me come up with some creative ideas to make Valentine’s something more special than usual?
Think about what your partner loves or would love to do. Something they always wanted to do. It can be something simple or something more extravagant.
What are the little things that you know they love – massage, romantic meal at home, time to just cuddle.
Listen to little hints they drop. Maybe just compile some old photos and have a night of watching old photos and movies of the two of you and sharing loving memories.
Author Dr Rohan Weerasinghe has coached and helped countless couples and singles – he has helped turned marriages and relationships around that were at the point of break up and even helped people who were close to suicide because they had lost a sense of who they were. www.rohanlive.com