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How going grey helped Kama find her inner confidence. How will you find yours?

Article by Kama Frankling

Where was my confidence hiding for all of those years?

Kama frankling image

Last year I finally found my true confidence. It had been hiding for years and even though I had searched and searched, it was never to be found. Then I found it quite unexpectedly, and I will admit it was not at all where I expected to find it. It had been hiding all that time waiting for me, but I needed to do one last thing before it would show itself. I needed to stop colouring my hair.

You see I found my confidence in my grey hair. Don’t worry I am not saying you have to stop colouring your hair to find confidence. What I am saying is that often we believe we have found a balance with being the person we truly are, yet we find we are still hiding behind something. True inner confidence just seems to elude us. When we emerge from the place where we have been hiding, it is then that true inner confidence emerges. People hide behind a relationship, a career, fashion, creativity, and many other places. I just happened to be hiding behind dark chocolate dyed brown hair.

What happened? I had a severe allergic reaction to hair dye. After searching alternatives I realised that for the sake of my health I would have to stop dyeing my hair. I was resistant at first but with a failing liver and breathing difficulties, I knew that it had to be done. So I stopped. I was nervous at first, which seemed odd to me; after all it is just a hair colour. I kept notes in a journal and I videoed my journey. The writing and the videos helped me see a pattern.

I became aware of how much I had been hiding behind my hair. Now that there was no dyed hair to hide behind, I felt exposed, raw, and vulnerable and it was within this space that I found my true inner confidence. There was no more hiding, I was free to step forward as I truly am and I would soon know who my true friends were, and there were many.

kama franklin imageHow to find your inner confidence in your 50s

How can you also find your true inner confidence? You can explore what you are hiding behind in much the same way as I did. You know that if you step beyond your hiding space that you will feel vulnerable. However it is within this space of vulnerability that you will find your true inner confidence. Step slowly out from behind your hiding place. Don’t take a leap as this could create a lack of confidence. Ease out of your hiding place.

Here’s how you can get started:

1. Change small things For example: If you always dress a certain way for comfort then change just one thing at a time to feel out of your comfort zone.

2. Find a support friend, a friend who wishes to take a similar journey. Make a deal with each other that you can always call each other for support when you are stepping out of your comfort zone.

3. Write about your journey to confidence in a private journal. Writing is very therapeutic and brings self-awareness. Try not to judge your journal experiences, allow the words to just flow.

Most of all enjoy your self! Life is for living now, don’t miss out on life because you are in your hiding place. You are not alone! You don’t have to take the journey on your own. Talk to a friend and take the journey together.

daring to be grey imageBio: Kama is the author of ‘Daring To Be grey – How to confidently stop colouring your hair. Kama is a counsellor/art therapist and coach by profession. In real life Kama is a keen photographer, a creative pixie and addicted to flowers and nature.





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  1. Monika

    September 24, 2013

    Good for you. I lost my hair through chemotherapy last year and resolved to stop colouring and go grey when it came back. But I have horrible grey hair, very dark charcoal at back and light at front. Not like yours a lovely silver grey. So I dyed again, but a different colour than before and a different hair style. Worked for me x

    • Kama

      September 24, 2013

      Monika I believe we have to do what we feel comfortable with at the time. I am glad to hear that you are doing what feels right for you and your confidence levels. I hope you are recovering well.

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