Article by Ceri Wheeldon
For most January is the start of a New Year, bur for me personally, January 2017 is the start of a New Life.
Some may have noticed that my activity on social media has been sporadic to say the least over the past couple of years. Those who are close to me are aware of the reasons behind my retreat from sharing anything to do with my life . I am thrilled to say that this extremely unsettling period of my life is now over.
Making a difficult decision
In short I made the decision , in my mid 50s, to divorce my husband. I will not go into too many details other than to say that it was on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. Again those close to me know just how unreasonable that behaviour was, and that my life with him was a far cry from the life imagined by others when we were seen out together. Rather than face a future of living on eggshells in order to maintain the status quo, and looking in the mirror to see a reflection I no longer recognised as being me on any front, I decided I had to break free- in spite of the financial consequences, and had to walk away from the very secure financial future I had worked incredibly hard to create for myself in order to gain my freedom and get my life back.
Feeling exhausted
While going through the ‘negotiations’ for more than 2 years – which he made extremely difficult by refusing to leave the marital home (while not contributing to its upkeep) although he clearly had other ‘options’, I have lived in a state on constant alert, not knowing when he walked out of the door if he would return hours, days or weeks later, and it was not uncommon for him to return after weeks of being absent unannounced at 2am in the morning setting off the house alarm. Not easy. And not a situation I felt I could share with others as it was happening. In part I did not want him to know anything about the life I was rebuilding without him, and partly because there were days when the stress of living under the same roof while battling to hold onto at least some of what I had worked so hard (much of it before our marriage) to achieve left me exhausted.
Starting over
I can at last say that he has thankfully gone, and my divorce finalised a couple of days before Christmas, so for me 2017 is definitely a fresh start with hopefully new opportunities.
I have stepped out into the world again, spending time with friends old and new, and am definitely experiencing midlife reinvention first hand!
At the moment I am once again enjoying the things I always used to enjoy before meeting him – being very social and spending time with the people I want to spend time with ! I am enjoying wearing what I want without criticism, having my hair long, wearing makeup and again wearing heels – without being questioned. I am eating the foods I enjoy, listening to my music and watching films and box sets I choose on netflix – again without criticism. I can also focus on building my own business and move my life forward, enjoying the company of good friends and travelling to places I want to see. In fact it was a very good friend who encouraged me to write and share this post as she felt I should explain my absence!
Hopefully I can share some of the things that have helped me through this difficult yet transformational period over the coming months in the hope that it may help others experiencing similar.
I have lots of plans for 2017 and I look forward to sharing the ups and downs as they come to fruition .
I am looking forward to a wonderful 2017 and to once again beating the drum for being Fab after Fifty!
Ceri Wheeldon
Ceri is Founder and Editor of Fabafterfifty.co.uk She is a frequent speaker at events and in the media on topics related to women over 50 , including style and living agelessly. With 20+ years experience as a headhunter Ceri also now helps support those looking to extend their working lives.
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