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  1. Relationships over 50 – how to mend your broken heart

    Article by psychotherapist and health writer, Christine Webber Being broken hearted is just about the worst pain in the world. It can devastate people at any age – but can feel especially painful for those who are fifty or over, particularly if they thought they were settled for life. You can suffer from heart-break if you’re dumped. Or if your partner dies. Or even if you’re the one choosing to walk away from a relationship. Whatever the circumstances, it’s not just the loss of a partner which is so devastating; it’s the fact that you have to face up to the end of your emotional investment and a whole set of hopes and dreams. However, the fact is that though you no longer have this particular relationship to sustain...
  2. Are you ready to start dating again after divorce, separation or partner loss?

    Article by Teresa Welch How do you know if you are ready for dating again after relationship collapse? For some the thought of dating again fills them with dread, and for others they can’t wait to get back in the dating scene. Having suddenly become single myself after a 12 year marriage ended and with two very small children, dating was the last thing on my mind, and naively at only 34 I thought that when I was ready it would be easy. How wrong could I have been? No one tells you that your life will never be the same again. Different, but never the same. Through chance in the early day’s I did go on a couple of dates. I was going through a divorce...
  3. Everyone knows their place, don’t they? How retirement can affect your relationship.

    Article by Sue Taylor People who live together for a long time usually act out the same roles, day in and day out.  They don’t even think about who will put the kettle on or who will take the dog out for a walk. They just do it. They know their ‘place’ in the grand scheme of things. Sally and Alan have been married for 30 years. Every morning Sally prepares breakfast and as they eat, Alan watches TV, waits for the travel news, checks his diary and heads off for work. Sally clears away the dishes and then decides what she will do with the rest of her day.  It is a relaxed lifestyle, now the children have left home and their stable relationship gives them both enormous pleasure. Wind forward a few years....
  4. Do men suffer a crisis of confidence as they approach retirement?

    Article by Larry Gould It was 11 o’clock on a spring morning 13 years ago. I sat in a daze sipping a warm cappuccino and waiting for my wife in the plush surroundings of the Harvey Nicks Café on Five thinking about the weeks leading up to my departure, and trying to decide how to spend the rest of my life, when I was rudely interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. I looked up to see an old ‘friend’ with whom I had shared a flat in London. I never really liked the guy as, amongst other things, he was always a bigger hit with the ladies than I (and too often for it to be a coincidence, usually the same ladies I had my eye on). “I heard you...
  5. How NOT to be complacent in midlife relationships

    Article by Damian Hughes. Billy Connolly jokes about spotting the danger signs of complacency creeping into his relationship with his wife. “One year, I wrote on my wife’s Valentine’s card, ‘I love you, dear. P.S See last year’s card for details.’” The many changes and transitions of midlife – kids growing up and leaving home (or staying!), retirement uncertainties, physical changes, possible desires for new focus  – can all impact of our relationship. However, getting things back on track with a loved one, or on a new track, if desired, can be simpler than we think and the starting point is to look at how you are communicating with each other.  Let me explain. Understand your signals Psychologists suggest that during the conversations we have with others, we make signals or ‘bids.’ If that word makes...
  6. Approaching 50 and having to cope with a husband leaving for a younger woman. Any advice?

    Article by Ceri Wheeldon Approaching  a milestone birthday and coping with the end of a marriage at the same time is proving difficult for one reader. With her permission I am sharing the email she sent to me, hoping  that other women can relate to her situation and offer some tips and support to deal with this difficult situation “Hi, I need advice. My husband of 20yrs has had an affair and has left our marriage. He moved his mistress in and they live near me. I am not coping with this much younger woman seeing my teenage boys. I am tearful, anxious and depressed with the situation and am on medication. No doubt there are other women who are in similar situations. How do you cope with the feeling that...
  7. Has redundancy triggered depression in your partner?

    Article by Caroline Carr You can spot them a mile off – someone who feels fulfilled, inspired and valued, and who adores their work. Whatever life throws at them, whether they have any mental health issues or not, they have a secure identity around their work and career – and it shows. Somewhere deep inside there is a sense of OK-ness. There is a sparkle, a sort of self-assuredness. But if that work no longer is, and the person isn’t needed anymore – that sparkle can vanish so quickly. We know that some depression comes about as the result of a trauma – and to suddenly find that you don’t have a job can be hugely traumatic for many people. Especially if there is no redundancy package to cushion...
  8. Ways to help your partner if they’re depressed

    Article by Caroline Carr Know that your partner can’t just snap out of depression. His or her behaviour may be very challenging to deal with, and you may long to say “For goodness sake, get a grip.” Or “There’s lots of people far worse off than you are”, or something to that effect. But this won’t help. How ever your partner is behaving, they probably feel very bad about the effect they’re having on you – even if they are being unkind. They feel as if their life is spiralling out of control, and their behaviour is a reaction to that. Encourage your partner to go to the doctor in the first instance, because their symptoms could be due to something else such as another...
  9. How easy is it to move on from a marriage or relationship marred by domestic abuse?

    Guest article It was with a sick feeling in my stomach that I read Denis Waterman’s admission and justification as to why he hit his ex wife Rula Lenska. He differentiated between the fact that Rula was ‘hit’ and not ‘beaten’. His excuse? She was intelligent, she could argue well, he couldn’t win an argument with words so he lashed out. She was too clever. I myself had to extricate myself in my early 30s  from marriage to a man who became violent. To the outside world he was successful and charming. At home it became a different matter. He had to have total control over all his ‘possessions’. It seems that on marrying him I became one of them. The change in his behaviour towards me...
  10. Why your friends and family are sometimes the worst support during your divorce

    Article by Adele Theron Although your friends and family are an important part of your life, you may find that they’re ill equipped to support you through your loss. I found that even though my friends and family were well meaning, they didn’t know what to say to me and I often didn’t feel better around them. Before you chuck up this well-meaning lot, remember that although they’re trying hard, they’re just not equipped or trained to help you. Society has conditioned them to deal with loss in a particular way. It’s not their fault. They love you very much and they hate to see you suffering. They’ll try to take the pain away and will do whatever they can in the moment to achieve...
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