Divorce | Fab after Fifty | Information and inspiration for women over 50 - Part 5

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5 Tips to help navigate money during a divorce in our 50s and 60s – free webinar

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Article by Helen Collier I’m delighted to be writing for Fab after Fifty women out there. As a money coach I’m on a mission to help women who find managing money stressful and anxiety provoking. I help them create financial lives they can be proud. Recent reports have shown that divorce rates for the over 50’s and even more so the over 60’s are rising. Whatever the reason what is certain is that very rarely will anyone be better off financially after the divorce than they were during their marriage. If this is where you find yourself or you have a friend in that position, read on. Whether we chose divorce or we have divorce forced upon on us here’s a few tips to help you through as...
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Can you overcome and move on from a cheat or affair?

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Article by Cat Williams Can relationships survive an affair? Relationships expert Cat Williams explores…. The real reason why affairs happen. Before we choose to have an affair, whatever the circumstances, we are experiencing a period of low self-esteem. We usually know that an affair is probably not a good idea but we don’t know how to fix or improve our current relationship, so if an opportunity to have an affair is presented, we may take it to feel better about ourselves. Being wanted by someone else, especially secretly, gives a great boost to our self-esteem. What happens next? Once the affair is disclosed or discovered, it usually has an impact on the self-esteem of both partners. The person who had the affair usually feels even worse about himself or herself than ever, and...
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The worst thing you can do after your divorce is NOTHING…

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Article by Adele Theron. Exercise: Take some time to think back on your life. How have you dealt with loss in the past? (Whether it was the loss of someone special or a beloved pet) ————————————————————————– ————————————————————————– ———————————————————————— What steps did you take that were healthy and healing? ————————————————————————– ————————————————————————– ————————————————————————– What steps did you take, or not take, that hampered your recovery? ————————————————————————– ————————————————————————– ————————————————————————– Healing doesn’t simply happen over time. Healing is an active process, and processing all the feelings and emotions associated with your divorce is essential to getting over it. Divorce acts like a cut and if you don’t dress the wound and work on healing it you will end up with a lot of scar tissue, which will leave a lasting imprint on your life. The real killer to healing is the complacency...
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How easy is it to move on from a marriage or relationship marred by domestic abuse?

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Guest article It was with a sick feeling in my stomach that I read Denis Waterman’s admission and justification as to why he hit his ex wife Rula Lenska. He differentiated between the fact that Rula was ‘hit’ and not ‘beaten’. His excuse? She was intelligent, she could argue well, he couldn’t win an argument with words so he lashed out. She was too clever. I myself had to extricate myself in my early 30s from marriage to a man who became violent. To the outside world he was successful and charming. At home it became a different matter. He had to have total control over all his ‘possessions’. It seems that on marrying him I became one of them. The change in his behaviour towards me...
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The impact of NOT healing from your divorce…

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Article by Adele Theron When you repress your emotions, your behaviour and reactions to events in the present are really reactions to past events, too. This has a negative effect on your relationships. You can’t be fully present with those you love until you have released your emotions from the past. Not dealing with your emotions over an extended period of time can also lead to premature ageing and major illness in your body. Said another way, you cannot hide how you truly feel from yourself or others. Pharmacologist Dr Candace Pert, (whom has a PhD in cellular biology and biophysics) and Dr Deepak Chopra, author, renowned endocrinologist, and leader in the field of quantum physics and mind-body healing have spent years researching the lasting...
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What does your emotional journey through your divorce look like?

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Article by Adele Theron Lucy’s emotional journey: This graph below tracks the healing experience of one of Lucy, a 54 year old woman experiencing divorce which came as a major shock when her husband suddenly left her. It illustrates the first year of the past five years of her life as drawn by her. Lucy’s rollercoaster started off with a big shock stage, an initial paralysis at hearing the bad news of her husband leaving her. She described it as a big kick in her stomach and an indescribable ache. This was followed by a denial stage where she spent days trying to avoid the inevitable, telling herself it was not happening. This was followed by an anger and betrayal stage where Lucy was very angry with...
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Why your friends and family are sometimes the worst support during your divorce

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Article by Adele Theron Although your friends and family are an important part of your life, you may find that they’re ill equipped to support you through your loss. I found that even though my friends and family were well meaning, they didn’t know what to say to me and I often didn’t feel better around them. Before you chuck up this well-meaning lot, remember that although they’re trying hard, they’re just not equipped or trained to help you. Society has conditioned them to deal with loss in a particular way. It’s not their fault. They love you very much and they hate to see you suffering. They’ll try to take the pain away and will do whatever they can in the moment to achieve...
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Avoid Short Term Emotion Avoidance Tactics during your divorce healing journey

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Article by Adele Theron John James and Russell Friedman tell the story of how a mother may deal with a child’s crying by offering the child a cookie. The mother may say “Don’t cry. Here, have a cookie and you will feel better.” Later in life, that child could associate fixing their feelings with food. Eating the cookie in the moment, the child gets distracted and may forget about the incident that caused the upset, but the fact remains that there was no emotional completion of the pain caused by the event. The event and all the feelings associated with it, were buried. Short Term Emotion Avoidance Tactics will help you feel better in each moment BUT the thing to be aware of is that you are...
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So what are some of the common feelings when experiencing a shock divorce?

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Article by Adele Theron My name is Adèle and I am a Divorce Angel. I remember the first four days after my husband left. They were brutal. At 02:30 am I was on my third glass of wine and hadn’t eaten in three days. I had been in my pyjamas for 36 hours straight and had chain-smoked 40 cigarettes (and I’m not even a smoker!). There was a pile of laundry on the couch waiting to be ironed and used tissues everywhere. The house was in absolute chaos and I didn’t feel like doing anything. I wasn’t answering my phone or talking to my family or anyone else. I had a vision of being found dead of a broken heart...
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A Letter to Mum, how a poem helped reunite a family shattered by divorce

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Guest article by Jan Jack We asked Jan, who we featured as a ‘Fabwoman’ to explain more about how her poetry has touched lives When I first set up Perfect Verse someone asked me “How on earth are you going to make money? It will NEVER work.” A good question – albeit combined with a somewhat negative view. But even I am amazed at how versatile poetry can be; since that time I’ve written Best Man Speeches, Father of the Bride Verse, and even promotional verse for businesses. But the Perfect Verses which mean the most to me are the ones which bring people together. For example, I’ve helped a sister breach a gap with her brother...
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